Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Today, I'm MAD.

And I don't mean angry. I mean, that gut-twisting, eye-glinting, heart-hardening mad that reddens my face and sends my voice slipping into the mountain twang passed down through my Mama's blood.

It takes a lot, for me, to get a good mad going. This one's about 4 months overdue.

See, I am a teacher. Was a teacher. Never really wanted to be anything else. Spent lots of time and money to lay my hands on that degree. Had something to prove, too, what with getting married and having a baby and still graduating in 4 years. And now, I'm not. No, I am, but not in the way I'd like to be.

It's a bad time for teachers. Budgets getting cut, schools overcrowded. Almost makes me wonder why I long so much to be a part of it. But, I do, and I'm not. And I'm mad about it.

Not that there probably wasn't something I could've done to prevent this, but at the moment I'm having a damn hard time coming up with it.

To put it mildly, me being out of a job puts the whole rest of my life on hold. I can't have a sibling for Mikaela. I can't make the minor improvements necessary to sell this postage-stamp-sized home and move into one we love. I can't continue my Master's Degree.

Finally, though, I've discovered that teaching my daughter is every bit as rewarding and enriching as teaching the classrooms I've had. Too bad, though, because I can't homeschool her forever. Somehow, those student loans have to be paid.

Is the idea of having a job you love, despite the drawbacks and stress, a myth? It hasn't been for me, until now. And now, I can't find anything that gives that same feeling of accomplishment.

And I'm mad.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

So sorry you are having it rough. Mom was telling me about the whole teaching ordeal. Not sure if she talked to you or your mom about it. I always thought you'd be a great teacher from the many days of playing school when we were little at Mom's. Anyways, keep your head up. Something bright will turn up for you, I have faith in you also. :)

Anonymous said...

My message really came out wrong. I didn't mean that I didn't think you were a good teacher by saying "I always thought you'd be a great teacher." I just meant that I remember you wanting to be one from years ago...Sorry if that came out in a bad way. Love ya hun!

Mom said...

Tiffany,

You can make it work. There are many ways to make money while staying home and teaching your child.

Homeschooling is the most amazing thing and you CAN do it.

You could sign up as a substitute to bring in extra money. Nothing says her school time has to be during "regular school hours," and you know they always need substitutes.

You can start your own home-based business - there are many to choose from.

You can do tutoring.

If you get your masters, you can teach at the college level, in the evenings.

There are so many options.

www.momstop.blogspot.com