Kids aren't oblivious.

I've noticed a definite change in Mikaela's behavior lately. Prior to two weeks ago, we were noticing marked improvement in the 'troublesome three' arena. Less whiney-bum, more self-sufficient big kid. She kept her ears turned on more than 50% of the day and was reasonable.

However, since we've had our schedules screwed up because of Sam's dad's illness, she's backpedalled. She's once again quick tempered, whiny, needy and unreasonable.
I feel bad for her. Because, really, we've been so focused on Sam's dad, how he's feeling (and how everyone else is handling it), that we've totally missed the fact that she's old enough now to *understand* things.
No three year old should have to wonder if the grandparent being carried to an ambulance is going to join 'Gramma in Heaven.'
I feel terrible that she witnessed it, and even more badly that we've neglected to try to explain things to her.

Workin' mama.

Oh, how lovely. And how terrifyingly sad.

I have a *gulp* J.O.B.
I thought this day would never come. I thought I'd simply exist as Mommy, forever and ever and ever...but, just as I was finally sinking into that, getting a groove going with the whole SAHM thing...I get a REAL JOB!

Too bad it's not teaching. THAT would've really spun me round.

How do you want to die?

What a harsh, harsh question. Nobody likes to think of their own mortality. Everyone talks a lot about what they want to accomplish while they're living, and what's waiting for them after they're gone. No one wants to ponder the transition between the two.

However, recent events have started a strange train of thought in my head. I've realized how important--and how kind-- it is to think of these things WAY before any decisions must be made in the heat of the moment.

There are no cut-and-dry answers here. It all comes down to your wishes. Don't just leave it to chance that your loved ones would make the same decisions you would, should they ever have to choose for you.

Talk to them, often. Make them clear about what your wishes are about things like ventilators, artificial nutrition, when (and when NOT) to resuscitate. This is your life, and they're your decisions to make. Please make them, and make them legal.

No child wants to be left with the reality that they made the 'dying decision' in a parent's life. It's not fair to anyone.

Silly Sleep Patterns

For some reason, I'm having a really hard time getting to bed at an acceptable hour lately. Not because I'm *needed* at all hours in the morning, but because I just can't sleep. Of course this sucks in the mornings...Mikaela of course needs supervision! But I still just can't get to be before 2 or 3 am. I'm hoping if I take some Simply Sleep, it'll straighten out. I'm hoping to get back into a good routine. I'm trying, you see, to become somewhat productive. Hard to do on 4 hours sleep.

The Unintentional Co-Sleeper.

When Mikaela was born, had anyone asked whether or not we'd co-sleep, I would've laughed right out loud. No. Way. We had a bassinet (that she refused to sleep in) and that was as close as she'd come to our bed. She slept well on her own after the first month, and slept through the night at 9 weeks. We didn't need to co-sleep.

When we moved her into her toddler bed at 18 mos, nothing changed. She liked having a 'big girl' bed, and we had no trouble getting her to sleep at night. This was also the time she began having night terrors, which were terrible for ME, but she didn't remember them at all. She'd have one, I'd sit by her bed and talk to her calmly until it passed. She couldn't stand being touched during one of them, and seeing that glassy look in her eyes made me ache so badly for something to STOP it.

She got a twin sized bed when she turned two and things were just peachy until she turned 3. Over the summer, however, she's gotten into the habit of sneaking into our bed at least 4 nights a week.

At first, Sam and I grumbled over the lack of space, the fact that we woke up sweating from the heat her little body put off, and the fact that no matter how many times we put her back in her own bed, she managed to wake up in ours.

However. I learned a lot about my girl from all this. For instance, before this, I didn't know she wakes up smiling and ready to snuggle every morning. I missed her sleepy smiles and sweet hugs every morning for 3 years! Imagine what I would've missed if she hadn't sneaked into our bed!

I also get more sleep when she's with me. If I wake up at 8, and she's still sleeping, I can sleep for a little while too. If I wake up at 8, and she's not with me, I get up to check on her, which invariably wakes her up as well. (and it solves the mini-heart attack I had the other morning, when I woke up at ~10~ and realized she wasn't up yet...)

Know what else? Now that I've become used to those morning smiles and snuggles, I miss them terribly. Mikaela spent last night at her Aunt KK's, and it was everything I could do not to jump up and run over there this morning, just for my snuggles.

the BEST part of cooking.

I like to cook, generally. But then everyone has bad days and sometimes, those days make you look at your kitchen in disgust and take your traitorous hiney on to the local drive-thru.

I felt like this last night. But, as drive-thrus aren't diet-friendly, I opted for cooking, anger-management style.

It's funny how thrilling and calming it can be to beat crackers into teeny, tiny, crumbling submission.

A trip down memory lane.

A recent CakeWrecks post got me thinking of cartoons from when I was young. And-oddly-it seems that many people missed these great pieces of tv history. So, I'm on a mission to resurrect them just for those people (er...person...well, just you, Linds!)

Remember this one?


Gummi Bears! Bouncing here and there and everywhere!

Or how about this one?


I TOLD you it was real! It came on with Capt. Kangaroo!

Here's one I bet you had toys to go with:


And, last in this episode of Flashback 2 the 80s:


I'm, er, proud to admit that my own child has gleefully driven around a purple-haired creature in a carrot car with cookie wheels.

Somehow, after watching these, it makes me sad for her. Wubbzy and Dora just don't cut it.

It's Spring! well, a girl can wish, right?

It certainly feels that way outside. I'm sitting here, dog at my feet (because he's always there, always, even in the bath) and I'm waiting for Mikaela to wake up for sleepy, after-nap snuggles. It's wonderful outside. Makes me get the itch to start buying new flip flops and sunglasses already.





I'm still struggling with NOT teaching. I really, really, want to teach again this year. I'm hoping to get that opportunity (third times a charm, right?) I miss the kids, the people, the feel...I miss walking into a classroom and knowing that the time I spend there makes a difference.





Sam and I are making every effort to save as much money as possible. We're planning a garden, with his brother and sister, since Deon and I know how to put up produce now. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE the fact that we each have about a million quarts of tomatoes from last year? Anyway, anybody with some good knowledge of raising a veggie garden, I'm all ears. I'm anxious to start planning it well, because I'd like to space everything out so that it all doesn't come in at the same time. That would be a canning nightmare!





Angie's got me making angel costumes for a play at church the end of this month. They're surprisingly easy, which is such a good thing, seeing as I have three more to make by the 22nd.





I have a new nephew, JD. He's perfect. He was born Feb. 13, and has already gained over a pound! Here's a pic of him and Mikaela. This was taken right after her marvelous rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star:

Sorry about the smile. She's reached that age where she's aware she needs to smile for the camera, so it's not quite natural, lol.

I also have a new 'niece', Misty's daughter Ky. She's gorgeous! I need to get a few good pics of her and Mikaela together next time they're down.

Of course, all these babies have Mikaela asking for one of her own. Well, three of her own actually. A girl for Mikaela, A girl for Mommy, and a boy for daddy. And now, when she wants to talk about her boobies (and what three year old doesn't?) she doesn't call them 'boobies', she calls them 'those things where babies eat!'. And I'm proud of that, that she realizes that's what they're for and it's no big deal to her.

So, as winter winds down, this is where I find myself.